Goodbye to a really shitty decade...

Not that the so-called health-care reform bill in the Congress will actually do anything but funnel taxpayer money more efficiently to the the health insurance conglomerates. The point of this graph from the fine folks at Firedoglake is to point out the insanity of our spending more on waging multiple unending wars to fight a virtually non-existent threat, than on actually caring for the lives of our own citizenry...

Happy New Year everyone, let us placate the mighty host of hosts, his noodly magnificence, the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please, oh Lord...make this coming decade suck less badly that the proceeding decade, which was really fucking shitty and made me question your very existence...rAmen!

You're lookin' at it...

"But the country is disintegrating. What happened to America? What's happened to the American dream?"

"It came true. You're lookin' at it."

An exchange between Nite Owl and the Comedian from the 1986 Alan Moore classic: Watchmen.

First off, let's put things in perspective. Terrorism is the human-driven equivalent of an earthquake, you might feel some indications that it is coming, but you can't predict the where or when, or the severity. It's many myriad incarnations have always been with us and always will be. As long as you have social inequality and ideological zealotry in the world you will have people who believe the only path to change is violence directed at the people or institutions they believe responsible.
 Unfortunately terrorism seldom effects the people who it is directed at, it seems to only effect the people who are as equally powerless as the perpetrators. Do terrorists really believe the people who fly commercial or commute by bus or train are responsible for their oppression?

This most recent terrorist, the unfortunately named underwear bomber. Was thankfully - pathetically incompetent. Which proves a few things. One - that al Qaeda has been effectively neutered, their operational capacity is limited to small-scale attacks, this is as a result of expanded law-enforcement more so than any military action, in fact our continued military action is nothing but a huge recruiting tool. Two - their attempts at converting greater Islam to their cause have fallen on deaf ears. Don't get me wrong, there will always be new recruits to this twisted philosophy, just as there will always be ignorant Americans willing to join one of our home-grown terrorist organizations, such as the Klan. Three- it doesn't matter if we had to fly fucking naked, they would just come up with a rectal suppository bomb that could be detonated by eating beans...

In fact the greater goal of the al Qaeda movement has been about as effective at creating an Islamic caliphate, as we have been in waging all-out war on a ineffectual tactic. Which is to say they are both failing in their objectives. We wallow in fear at the very thought of terrorism, even though our chances of being killed by terrorism are incalculably minute. We willingly give up even more of our liberties for the illusion of safety, we demonstrate an incremental willingness to throw out our laws and profile an entire religion in a pathetic attempt to make us feel safe. Make no mistake, this is an illusion.
Whatever countermeasures we take do nothing more than inconvenience us, waste trillions on ineffective preventions and unending war, and give in to xenophobia and irrational hatred. The only thing it does accomplish is to challenge the creativity of the actual terrorists. We can *fight them over there* all we want, and they will still end up coming here. Terrorism is analogous to disease, we can treat the symptoms, but if we ignore the cause, we will never be able to prevent it...

Sadly incidents like this expose the cynical and blindly partisan nature of Republican politicians, their corporate media enablers, and right-wing reactionaries who believe the only good Muslim is a dead Muslim. The amount of pants-wetting hysteria demonstrated by some conservatives makes our nation's moniker as *home of the brave* seem especially ironic.
These people who mindlessly criticize the current President for his handling of this case, did not criticize the previous President when virtually the same incident happened in 2001. These people are either willfully ignorant of their own hypocrisy, or they are so drug addled that their short-term memory is virtually non-existent. When their guy was in charge we were told to close ranks, be loyal and obedient Americans, support everything the President does, because after all we are a nation at war.

You would think that sentiment would apply regardless of who was in charge. But that's not fucking likely, since among many Americans partisanship and ideological purity seem to be taken as the highest form of patriotism...

A little getaway...

The weather was fucking spectacular and sunset on X-mas eve at beautiful Birch Bay was the most stunning I have ever seen...

 

The kids got exactly what they wanted, well not really - but they at least acted like they weren't disappointed...

 

We didn't have the bay view this time, but hey - the view out the back wasn't all that bad...

 

Trying to keep seven kids (ranging from four to nineteen) entertained is never easy, so we gave the young ones a gallon of gas and some matches...

 

I know, I know - just another fucking sunset...well fuck you very much, I happen to like sunsets...oh and happy birthday Baby Jeebus...

Goodwill toward man - not likely...

The laugh of the day comes to us from the very astute Joel Pett of the Lexington, Kentucky Herald-Leader. Hopefully he won't sue me for reprinting his brilliantly insightful comic. But seriously, every person who remains so deeply in denial that they have to lie about the anthropogenic nature of climate change needs to seriously think about the consequences of their inaction...

The real reason for the season...

...Is of course the celebration of today, winter solstice - so happy winter solstice everyone, and a big fuck you to all the various religions out there who have co-opted this glorious day for their own dubious purposes. In fact the war on solstice is a great idea for a book...why in the fuck did I not think of that before? Easy money from faux outrage and cheap exploitation here I come...

What the fuck Chuck?

Herod-care for the unborn? Let me get this straight Chuck...in your oh-so-enlightened opinion, if the Romans had a government run health-care insurance program that covered everyone in the Empire. Then poor wayward teen Mary, after being unwittingly impregnated by the very virile Hebrew deity, would certainly have aborted little zygote Jeebus out of sheer embarrassment alone. Even though said god sent an angel to inform her that she was to birth the messiah?

I'm not sure what Chuck is getting at, other than making a really fucking idiotic holiday-inspired analogy to scare the illiterate fucktwits who have Human Events read to them by their mothers. I'm not even a Christian (obviously) and I find his little story to be completely tasteless. But honestly what do you expect from a clown who couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag. Maybe Chuck should just stick to kicking people in the face and avoid trying to draw non-existent parallels between completely unrelated topics. It's just painful to watch someone be that fucking stupid...

Chuck seems to believe that giving all Americans equal access to health care is unchristian. I do recall Republican Jeebus preaching about the power of the free market, didn't he say something like; "I was hungry and you told me it wasn't your problem, I was thirsty and you to told me I was lazy piece of shit, I was a stranger and you pretended I didn't exist, I needed clothes and you told me to get a fucking job, I was sick and uninsured and you let me die waiting in an emergency room, I was in prison and you said, don't drop the soap."

Actually he said something like; "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." But my problem has always been that I interpret the bible differently than most Christians...

As my lovely wife noted very wisely the other day, "Who took the Christ out of Christianity?"

You don't need cash - you need a soul...

Just in time for the holidays, the 900-foot Jeebus (pictured above) took tele-charlatan Oral Roberts to whatever level of hell is reserved for unrepentant fleecers of the flock. His long overdue demise moves me to wax nostalgic about my misspent youth in the greatest of all thrash/punk/metal bands: Pontius Co-Pilate...

 

Way back in the suck-ass Eighties, Oral started a holy hunger strike, locking himself in his prayer tower and claiming that his god was going to "call him home" if he didn't get eight million bucks for his failing diploma mill. We quickly came to his aid by writing a toe-tapping little ditty called,"Eat Oral Eat" in which we pleaded for him to give up his silly charade and eat some fucking fig newtons, lest he commit suicide. Which from what I am told is a sin greater than lying to your idiot followers.We even featured him in the cover art (by your humble author) of our now classic 1988 release, Masters of the Pan Flute...

I know it is normally highly improper to speak ill of the dead, but since I generally disdain social convention I will make an exception. Mostly because this useless piece of shit was nothing but a fucking carnival huckster posing as a man of god...

There's no there, there...

Climategate? More like a totally misleading, totally bullshit distraction that was deliberately intended to create doubt in the minds of the ignorant fucking shepple, and to prevent any real progress on climate change.

The corporate media in America is only covering this alleged scandal, not the Copenhagen climate summit. In fact the only American media outlet giving this meeting it's due is Democracy Now! The only real scandal, that is not being discussed at all, is who stole the e-mails, who conveniently released them right before Copenhagen, and why are the thieves not being prosecuted...

Makes a great holiday gift...

Did you ever wonder what exactly is firmly lodged up the butts of some uptight religious folk? I think I have found the answer. Why, it's the Baby Jeebus Butt-Plug. Approved by the Vatican, and much more comfortable than your garden variety stick up the ass. It's smooth rounded features are truly a godsend for the faithful who want to feel closer to the Lord by having him securely jammed into their rectum...

Even fake wars have casualties...

Merry fucking Christmas kid...

Feel their wreath...

Happy Holidays!

For the douche-bag who has everything...

Not really that surprising...

American's are becoming dumber by the second as we careen down the inevitable road to Idiocracy. Although that should not really come as a surprise to anyone who has seen an episode of  the Oxygen channel's "the Bad Girls club".

As proof of my assertion, I found a recent Pew poll stating that 55% of American's believe in guardian angels. While in contrast only 36% of American's believed in anthropogenic climate change. Being susceptible to complete bullshit makes it much easier to believe that the anthropogenic causes of climate change are nothing but a giant worldwide conspiracy of liberal elitist eggheads. So it shouldn't be much of a stretch to believe another study which found that more American's believe in UFO's and ghosts than in any demonstrable facts associated with long-term scientific studies such as evolution...

The moral of this little fable is that you can literally watch the Arctic ice cap disappear before your very eyes and casually dismiss it as myth. But it's completely rational to believe that we are being protected by invisible celestial lifeguards buzzing about our heads like enormous fruit flies...

Still think anything will ever be done to mitigate the potentially devastating effects of climate change? Not fucking likely...

This is a joke, right?

The much needed laugh of the day comes to us from some inbred racist wingnut fucktwit who happens to be the mayor of the thriving metropolis of Cousinfucker Arlington, the meth and xenophobia capitol of Tennessee.
Hizzoner the mayor was all put out by our Kenyan Islamofascist/socialist/commie-pinko-scumbag illegitimate President having the temerity to interrupt his thirty-seventh viewing of  "A Charlie Brown Christmas" with a press conference about our never ending war in Afghanistan.

The President of course did so purposefully because he secretly hates Jeebus. Being a covert Jeebus hater, he naturally wants to distract the nation from the important Christian message in that particular insipid piece of poorly animated holiday dreck.
The President undoubtedly sets all of his addresses to the nation with the prime-time television schedule in mind.
I believe he has an address next week on the economy, but rest assured it will not preempt the airing of "Rudolph the red-nosed Reindeer". Being an avid supporter of the homosexual agenda, he wouldn't want to interfere with its timeless message that there is nothing wrong with being a gay elf who wants to pursue dentistry...

More of the same...

"He who knows nothing is closer to the truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods and errors." - Thomas Jefferson

Remember playing the board game Monopoly when you were a kid, or maybe last weekend with the family? Anyway the object of the game is basically to put everyone else out of business. Leaving one player with all the cash and property.

I never enjoyed the game, mostly because my brother was always the banker. He always seemed to have more cash on hand than the rest of us, especially at crucial times during the game. I know he was embezzling, but I could never prove it. Coincidentally he became a banker as an adult, but I digress...

The lesson intended by the game's creator is mostly lost on its players. The lesson being that monopolies are bad, and they're not just bad for the people who end up with nothing. Companies that are monopolies end up become indifferent to their customers, because they can. They will charge more, because they can. They are anathema to the practice of free enterprise. They are what happens when capitalism has become cancerous. They stifle competition and entrepreneurship.

That is exactly what will happen now that Comcast has purchased NBC/Universal - just watch...

Does anyone think we will get better service from Comcast after this? Does anyone even give a fuck that the continued consolidation of media in our country is dangerous to our Constitutionally limited, democratically elected, representative Republic?

War without end...

"War is a racket"  U.S. Marine Corps Major General Smedley Butler

My inner cynic has re-emerged from the windowless basement room I sequestered it to a little over a year ago. I decided to let the naive and idealistic side of me take the reigns for awhile, but that short-lived era of optimism has now come to a screeching halt after last night's speech. I don't know what I expected, the Democrats and Republicans are really just two sides of the same coin. No matter who comes out on top in the election toss-up, it's still the same fucking coin bought and paid for well in advance. Let's face it - political partisanship is almost entirely illusionary. America politics more closely resembles the contrived melodrama and predetermined outcomes of professional wrestling than any of us wants to admit...

I won't be totally critical of the new plan for Afghanistan other than to say it is ill-conceived. I believe President Obama is more than just a neo-con meat puppet, but I don't think he had many options. He would be vilified in the corporate media if he chose withdrawal, just as he is being vilified by the right for not showing the proper amount of blood lust. The corporations that really run our country would lose hundreds of billions if the war suddenly ended. I believe this is the wrong course of action because it is our presence in the region that is causing the very instability we strive to contain.

Sadly I believe every president since Eisenhower has been in the thrall of our ever increasingly privatized military and our corporate puppet masters. This is a situation that our nation's founders never intended. Another thing our founders never intended was power-hungry politicians of every stripe drawing out various conflicts and issues to use as cudgels during election cycles. In this case it seems strangely coincidental that the President's plan vaguely states a timetable for withdrawal concurrent with the next Presidential election.

The plan on the surface appears to be at least somewhat coherent in comparison to the incoherence of the Bush non-plan for Afghanistan. It includes the nation building aspect never present in any Bush plan. But let's look at it closely, similar to the Iraqi surge, the plan is entirely dependent on the success of events totally outside of our purview.

While we have epically failed to improve Afghanistan during the last almost nine years, we are now suddenly going to successfully create a nation-state out of the disparate collection of tribes and ethnic groups that is Afghanistan. Do we really believe that we will defeat the insurgency and have an incorruptible, effective, and fully functioning Afghan government, military, and police force capable of running their own country in a mere eighteen months?

I think not...when will we acknowledge that there will be no glorious victory in Afghanistan?

One thing I don't agree with is the pervasive media meme that this is now *Obama's war*. With the revelations in the Senate that display the absolute incompetence and neglect of the Bush administration in Afghanistan. Including letting the person that we ostensibly went there to smoke-out dead or alive - get away. Which lead us directly to the situation as it exists today. Let's just say that it is disingenuous at best to lay the blame entirely at the feet of a man who inherited this colossal clusterfuck...

The ADD nation...

While I was in the Great white north on holiday last week, I was pleased to discover that some countries still allow actual journalism on the teevee machine. Say what you will about the Canadian government detaining Amy Goodman from Democracy Now! at the border to grill her about her opinions on the 2010 Vancouver games, that was an act of their government. Generally it seems as if their media still has a veneer of independence, at least they have an actual news hour, which includes the very informative BBC broadcast. It is the opposite in the U.S. Where corporate media averages five minutes of actual news, virtually no international news, and twenty minutes of irrelevant bullshit infotainment designed to sell consumer goods...

The most interesting story running on BBC throughout the week was the British government's inquiry into the beginnings of the Iraq war. Imagine that...an official inquiry! This was an ongoing story containing almost daily revelations about the Bush administration leading the Blair government astray with their disastrous recipe for invading Iraq. Which consisted of one part bat-shit insane musings of the neo-con dumb-fuck's in the Project for the New American Century mixed with spurious or deliberately falsified intelligence reports, then finally topped off with a couple of heaping spoonfuls of blatant fear-mongering. Which were force-fed by the compliant/complicit corporate media to an easily frightened populace.

You would think these stories might at least warrant a headline or two back home, but no, not really. What is the story dominating every cable channel and print publication in America? That's right...a philandering sports-celebrity being battered by his wife...

Nothing to see here folks, move along...Hey everyone, look at the shiny pretty thing!