Rand Paul: Still Searching for the Toilet that Can Handle His Load of Shit...

 I may not know much but I can assure you that Senator Rand Paul (R)Aynrandia is a nothing but a tool. I say that because there are no rational explanations for his childish *mommy state* screed during a Senate committee on Energy and Natural Resources. It seems that even though Senator Paul considers himself a staunch conservative, actual conservation is not one of his legislative priorities. Paul gives a hyperbole-ridden rant about being forced to purchase a low-flow toilet (I assume by some jackbooted EPA thug). Unfortunately the toilet is seemingly incapable of adequately flushing the copious amounts of shit produced by the Rand family. If this is indeed the case, and not some ham-fisted display of political theater. My first bit of advice to the Senator would be to increase his daily consumption of fiber...

What is the most galling part of this adolescent tirade is his idiotic comparison of a woman's reproductive rights to the purchase of a fucking light bulb or a toilet that can handle this load of shit. His disingenuous attempt to equate his freedumb to buy whatever useless consumer product his donors manufacture, with a woman's right to choose, is almost as comical as it is insulting. Until the bi-partisan legislation demanding these energy innovations was passed by Congress during the Bush administration, consumer's had little if any choice. Their choice was between living in the dark or using those shitty, energy inefficient products produced by an industry uninterested in producing products that were durable or efficient.

The intent of this legislation was to force multiple industries into responding to an impending national energy crisis. History has demonstrated that in the absence of government sanction, businesses do whatever is most profitable without considering the greater interests of the public, including externalizing the costs of environmental degradation onto the taxpayer. I know it's a lot to ask that corporations operating in the United States act in the public interest and not just the short-term interests of shareholders.

As an American and a consumer, Senator Paul should want to change his buying habits for three reasons, 1) American energy independence, 2) Environmental conservation, and 3) The universal desire of all Americans to save money!

If anything this common-sense energy efficiency legislation has increased options to the consumer. Not only are incandescent bulbs still available, but now they are designed to last longer and use less energy. I'm not really sure what sharing his paranoid libertarian fantasies was suppose to accomplish in this hearing, other than making him look like a douche-y ideologue, but if Senator Paul was really interested in protecting liberty he should be trying to have the Patriot Act abolished. Not pathetically clinging to obsolete nineteenth century technology...